


Fatherhood

by quiet__tiger



Category: DCU (Comics), Outsiders (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, being a parent is not easy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Lian is growing up. Roy's afraid she's going to be like him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal Sep. 8th, 2008.

Roy wasn’t snooping. Really. He and Lian had a very open and honest relationship, one of the few he truly had, and he didn’t want to do anything to compromise it. But Lian had been acting oddly lately, secretive, and he felt it was more than just the regular syndrome of being a fourteen-year-old girl.

Which was how he wound up not snooping through his daughter’s bedroom when she was at soccer practice. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but in her underwear drawer he found it. It was underneath clothing and an opened package of maxi pads, a strategy proven to deter male thieves. But not concerned fathers.

He peeled the packing paper away from the object, hoping it wasn’t what he thought it was.

It was.

His little girl was hiding a bong in her underwear drawer. It didn’t appear to have been used, but that was only a small comfort for seeing one of his greatest fears realized. When Lian got home, they were going to have a long, long talk.

~*~

“Dad, I’m back.” Roy heard the slam of the door and the thud of Lian’s duffle bag hitting the floor in the hallway, no doubt leaving clumps of dirt with it. He didn’t care.

“Lian, come in here.”

She entered the kitchen. She was not quite a gangly teen, but she hadn’t yet reached her full height. She looked so grown up, but still his baby at the same time.

He hated this.

“What’s wrong, Dad?”

“Sit.” She sat at the table, across from him, and watched him with worried eyes. He couldn’t blame her; the last time he’d called her into the kitchen like this it was to tell her someone died.

Roy couldn’t avoid it any longer, and he brought the shiny glass bong up from his lap and placed it on the table, trying not to slam it. “What’s this?”

Lian’s eyes were wide. “It’s not mine. And did you go through my _room_?” Her eyes narrowed until Roy was afraid sparks would come flying out. Fourteen-year-old girls were unstable at best, and he’d rather not get too far onto her bad side, but he had to do this.

“I was suspicious. Apparently with good reason.”

“I thought--”

“Don’t you dare say you thought I trusted you. I do. I did. Explain this to me.”

“It’s a present for someone.”

“Do you know what it is?” She hesitated, which was the only answer Roy needed. If it was something she just thought was pretty or cool, she wouldn’t have a reason to pause or try to buy time. “Why are you buying drug paraphernalia for someone?”

“I thought it was pretty.”

Roy gave her what he hoped was a withering look. “Come on. You’re far from ignorant or uneducated. Where did you get it in your head that it’s okay to buy this?”

She shrugged, slipping into Defiant Teen Mode. “I knew my friend would like it.”

Roy rubbed his forehead, the headache that started an hour ago exacerbated by the conversation. “Where did you even get it?”

“The store in the mall. They sell all kinds of incense burners and stuff.” And they’d be getting a call later. Or maybe a visit from some law enforcement, if they were selling “tobacco” paraphernalia to people who were clearly underage.

“You’re not allowed in there ever again.” It was a stupid, empty demand, unless Lian never went to the mall without him again. The look Lian shot him made it clear she was aware of how stupid he was being.

He forged on to the more important matter. “Are you doing drugs?”

“No.” Roy stared her down, the way he did criminals from whom he needed information. She held her ground for a while, but she eventually slumped back in her seat. “I’m not doing drugs, Daddy.”

The childish endearment startled him for a second, but he had to keep going. “Can I trust you? That you’re not lying to me?”

Her eyes were wide and—damn it—full of tears. He wasn’t sure if she was upset or angry. “I thought you did. That was what you said when I was little, that it was just the two of us so we had to trust each other. But then you went through my room!”

“I’m sorry. I am. But you’ve been acting oddly and I had a hunch. I’ve done enough bad shit in my life to know the signs.”

“I’m fine. You could have asked me that, before snooping. Asked, ‘Hey, Lian, everything okay?’ And I could have told you that I’m tired from school and soccer and defense lessons and Uncle Dick’s training.”

Roy groaned internally; Dick had insisted on training Lian in acrobatics until he’d finally worn down Roy’s patience at telling him no. She’d been a little too old by then to be as fabulous at it all as Dick was, but she’d surpassed Tim already. Tim tried to say he was jealous, but Roy could see he was proud.

“Is that it? Nothing else?”

“Not drugs.” That was all she said, and Roy was struck with the idea that that was all he was going to get. Maybe there was boy trouble, God forbid. Nasty social clique? She better not have pieced together some sort of vigilante costume; his goal in life had become providing her with the best home life he could so she didn’t fight crime like the rest of them.

But she didn’t seem to want to tell him anything. His heart broke just a little bit.

“You know you can tell me anything. Boy problems--” She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, boys are gross, I know.” The look she gave him clearly indicated that her dad wasn’t exempt from that. “Your friends okay, except for being potheads? I’m not going to ask which friend it is, but I hope...” He ran out of steam, knowing he had to go backwards. “Do you realize why I’m upset at the idea of you doing drugs?”

She looked like she was barely refraining from rolling her eyes as she recited from numerous lectures and promotional tools. “This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. D.A.R.E. to keep kids off dugs. Just say no. Be above the influence. Crack is whack. Smoking weed is a waste indeed. No one ever says, ‘I want to be a junkie when I grow up.’”

It was the last one that made his heart ache. “Lian. You know that drugs are addictive.” She nodded like he asked if he had red hair, like he was a moron. “And you know that some addictions are hereditary, like alcoholism.” She nodded again, more seriously. “Addictive personalities can be inherited from your parents. And you might not realize it until it’s too late. Until you’re already hooked on something.”

He took a deep breath before he continued. “And you remember, before you started middle school, we talked about peer pressure and sex and alcohol and drugs. And how they were all things you were to avoid at all costs until you were older, if ever. And I said I’d tried them all; I’d never lie to you and say I didn’t.” And she’d walked in on him having sex and had seen him drink alcohol, so that wasn’t a secret.

But how do you tell your kid you were a junkie? You just do it, he supposed. Be strong. “But I left out a little bit about the drugs.” Now it was her turn to look a little suspicious. “Lian... When I was only a few years older than you are now, I did a lot of drugs. I was a heroin junkie.” Her eyes went wide with shock. “I was in a lot of pain and just wanted it to go away. It took a long time to get over it, and the withdrawal process is disgusting and painful, probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and I still always run the risk of relapsing and shooting up again.” Her eyes were wet again. “But I’m never going to. I could never do that to you.”

He waved her towards him, and she got up and walked around the table to stand in front of him. He reached out and wrapped his hands around her forearms, anchoring her there. He looked up into her eyes to try to show how serious he was being. “If you try these addictive substances, you might get hooked and you might not be able to stop. And you might try other ones to stop, and you might get hooked on worse things. I know it’s cliché and you don’t care, but weed _is_ a gateway drug, and does enough damage on its own if you smoke enough of it or if something else is mixed in. You can’t try any of this stuff. It’s not safe.”

He squeezed her arms harder, trying to get both himself and her to focus. “Lian, I know it’s been tough to have me as a dad sometimes, and I know you don’t know your mother, and there’s nothing I can say that makes that okay. But if you try drugs, and you get hooked on them, as is entirely likely, then it means that I’ve completely failed as your father.” The way Ollie failed him, only infinitely worse. “And I don’t know if I could live with that. I love you and I don’t know if I’d be able to stand to see you hurting like that, knowing that it’s my fault for giving you those genes and my fault for not teaching you right. If you seriously hurt yourself or died...”

He wasn’t sure where he was going with this, he just knew that his chest ached and it was getting hard to speak. He looked at his large hands around her muscular arms, then back up into her eyes, out of which tears dripped. She pulled her hand away to wipe them off, then said, “I didn’t know. And I won’t try anything. Not if it’ll...”

“Come here.” Roy stood so he could hug his little girl properly. “I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I’ll be okay.” She eventually pulled away from him and wiped her eyes again. “I’ll take the bong back to the store. Get her a movie or something.”

Roy shook his head. “ _I’ll_ take it back to the store.” He wrapped the offensive thing back up and left it on the table.

Then Lian went to take a shower, and Roy called Dick.

~*~

Dick spent the night as Roy hoped he would, and Roy spent it wrapped around him. They didn’t live together, their lives were too separate, and they were allowed to date other people, but they were always there for each other when needed for anything.

And Roy needed Dick tonight for comfort. Talking to Lian about his problems had brought back a lot of unpleasant memories, and he was scared for her sake. His words of caution could only bring her so far; she had to be strong and smart and do the rest on her own.

“I’m just scared for her, Dick. I can’t always be there for her. She’s in high school now, new kids, new pressure...”

Dick hadn’t said much all night; he knew what his role was. But he did offer as needed, “She’ll be fine. She’s a good kid.”

Roy shook his head against Dick’s shoulder. “She’s lying to me and might be smoking up. I know she said she wasn’t, but...”

“Who’s totally honest with their guardian or parent?”

“Yeah.”

Dick ran his fingers through Roy’s short hair. “I wish I could be here more, help you out.”

“You know that won’t work. We’d probably both wind up miserable.” Two strong personalities, two alpha males, them in particular, were just asking for disaster if they lived together. But it led to fabulous sex and lots of comfort and good advice when needed. “I’m just frustrated.”

“I can talk to her. Tell her my side of watching you suffer.”

“No... Not right now, she probably wouldn’t listen right on the heels of my little sob story. Or she’ll ask for every possible detail and I don’t think she needs to hear them right now.”

“I can stay for a few days at least. Evaluate her myself.”

Roy didn’t ask what good that would do, since Dick hadn’t noticed a problem with _him_ all those years ago, and all he said was, “You’re welcome to. It’ll be nice to have you here.”

He’d enjoy the closeness, and he knew Lian always liked when Uncle Dick was around. Dick spoiled her like crazy, and Roy usually didn’t have a problem with it. Not this time, though. He knew Dick would find his own way to talk to her, even without being direct. It wouldn’t quite be death-by-lecture, but it’d be useful. “Talk to her, but be subtle.”

“I can do subtle.”

“ _Subtle_ , not Bat-freaky. We don’t want to traumatize the child.”

“She’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

Roy had always tried his best, and he always would. He just wasn’t sure if it was good enough.

~*~

Lian crept away from her dad’s bedroom door. She couldn’t quite make out what he and Uncle Dick were talking about, but she bet it was her.

She’d known her dad had been a crazy teenager—she’d heard stories and she could do the math on how old he had been when she was born—but she hadn’t been aware of how screwed up he’d been. She guessed she still didn’t know, because she didn’t know why he’d done heroin. She’d been too upset and shocked to ask for details.

She’d talk to Uncle Dick. He’d tell her stuff that her dad wouldn’t.

She went back to her room and opened her desk drawer, and lifted up notebooks and papers until she found the little plastic baggie she’d stashed there earlier in the week. 

She looked at it closely. Just a bunch of ground up plant matter. She was supposed to bring it to the party next weekend, so she and her friends could all try it together. How dangerous could it be?

But her Dad never lied, never embellished. He was experienced in almost everything, and she knew to always listen to him. He’d actually been there, so his lecture wasn’t just a stupid parental demand. He knew what he was talking about.

And now she was scared. What if she got addicted to heroin or cocaine or something? Or even just stupid weed? The commercials and lectures were lame, but that didn’t necessarily make them wrong...

She darted to the bathroom, baggie in hand. She carefully dumped the contents into the toilet and flushed.

She’d probably be okay. With anything. Sex, drugs. Rock and roll. Her dad had done it all, after all, and he was still around. But not without regrets, and not without pain.

And the look in his eyes when he’d talked about failing her... It made her hurt inside. He was a good father. He did the best he could with what he had, and she wanted to make him proud of her. She wanted everyone to be proud of her, Uncle Dick and Tim, Ollie, Dinah, Bruce, Cass, Connor. Everyone.

If she hurt her dad, they wouldn’t be.

She sighed, knowing her friends were going to be mad at her. But she had a lot of friends. But only one dad.

She brushed her teeth and went back to her room, and put on her pajamas and went to bed. She wondered what Uncle Dick would make for breakfast, and thought about how nice it was that he was here. Her dad was always a lot happier when he was.

She’d talk to Uncle Dick tomorrow and get the skinny on everything. It would be hard to hear, but she was a Harper. She could handle it.

They could handle just about anything.


End file.
